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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
It's been a really bad day. A tire blew off my trailer, my truck transmission is shot and the candyman stood me up. How can I commit suicide without leaving a trace?
-Joe
Dear Joe,
Suicide by zombie is common practice these days, especially among those in religious professions and members of the knighthood. People who feel compelled to end their lives are sometimes hindered by the belief that overtly suicidal acts are frowned upon by civilized society and that their posthumous reputations will be sullied. We at The League of the Living Dead are pleased and honored to provide this desperately needed service to all humankind. All we ask is that you turn over your assets to us (you can keep the trailer and the truck - we don't need liabilities), and we'll take it from there. We will do our best to comply with your wishes regarding the exact location and manner of your death. You want an audience? We'll "off" you at the mall! Prefer privacy? We'll drop you off a cliff! Rest assured that no matter the method, there will be nothing left of you to be interred, or to wander the earth as a Living Dead Entity. Even your bones will be put to use in functional and decorative objects, or fed to the Dawgs of the Dead. Please contact your nearest League office today to make your final appointment. Hope that helps!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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