Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

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Dear Ghoulfriend,
My insurance agent's name is Tommy Trombone. I think he is a time traveler from 1985. He always wears a suit and carries a briefcase containing photos of David Hasslehoff and the DVD Maurice - The Merchant Ivory Collection.
Signed,
Fmrly, Angry at Allstate,
fmrly Frantic from Franny


Dear Formerly,
Ah, I didn't realize it was this particular creature who had scammed you. As it happens, he has been on our "Most Wanted" list for several months (countless others have also complained about him). His most recent cohort, a grumpy shapeshifter from the Crab Nebula currently disguised as a Rattus Punificus (a tiny rodent more commonly known as the dwarf domestic rat), is also being sought for questioning and extermination, though we at The League fervently believe that he will actually self-destruct. While the partnership of these two beings is not cause for global alarm, their teaming will prove an annoyance to policy holders for years to come. It will be difficult for consumers to have their legitimate claims honored without threats of lawsuits.

Time travelers are usually interesting and brilliant creatures, but in this case, the fact that Tommy voluntarily opted to live as an insurance agent indicates that he is a malevolent being and not to be trusted one iota. He is guilty of many things, not the least of which are crimes of fashion. His lack of judgment in attire is the tip-off that something went awry in his journey from the past (possibly a glitch in the space-time continuum) and irreparably damaged his brain. We believe that he came here to wreak havoc on the inhabitants of this millennium and despite the fact that he sustained some minor damage to his frontal lobe, he is not to be underestimated. People who dress inappropriately are not necessarily benign beings.

Although The Army of the Living Dead is somewhat over-extended in the ongoing search for Cupid, we have requested that a few thousand troops be diverted to aid in the search for Trombone & Ratboy. The troops are hungry and they will prevail.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


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The Ghoul Next Door - Night of the Living Dead 's Little Zombie

Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Strictly Business

Dear Ghoulfriend,
My insurance agent's name is Tommy Trombone. I think he is a time traveler from 1985. He always wears a suit and carries a briefcase containing photos of David Hasslehoff and the DVD Maurice - The Merchant Ivory Collection.
Signed,
Fmrly, Angry at Allstate,
fmrly Frantic from Franny


Dear Formerly,
Ah, I didn't realize it was this particular creature who had scammed you. As it happens, he has been on our "Most Wanted" list for several months (countless others have also complained about him). His most recent cohort, a grumpy shapeshifter from the Crab Nebula currently disguised as a Rattus Punificus (a tiny rodent more commonly known as the dwarf domestic rat), is also being sought for questioning and extermination, though we at The League fervently believe that he will actually self-destruct. While the partnership of these two beings is not cause for global alarm, their teaming will prove an annoyance to policy holders for years to come. It will be difficult for consumers to have their legitimate claims honored without threats of lawsuits.

Time travelers are usually interesting and brilliant creatures, but in this case, the fact that Tommy voluntarily opted to live as an insurance agent indicates that he is a malevolent being and not to be trusted one iota. He is guilty of many things, not the least of which are crimes of fashion. His lack of judgment in attire is the tip-off that something went awry in his journey from the past (possibly a glitch in the space-time continuum) and irreparably damaged his brain. We believe that he came here to wreak havoc on the inhabitants of this millennium and despite the fact that he sustained some minor damage to his frontal lobe, he is not to be underestimated. People who dress inappropriately are not necessarily benign beings.

Although The Army of the Living Dead is somewhat over-extended in the ongoing search for Cupid, we have requested that a few thousand troops be diverted to aid in the search for Trombone & Ratboy. The troops are hungry and they will prevail.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


More Strictly Business

Return to the Table of Contents