Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Strictly Business

Dear Ghoulfriend,
Well, it has been months since the now infamous hurricanes passed through Orlando and still no sign of our insurance agents! The assessor came (and not in 24 hours as advertised) but the claim has not been closed (no check, Danno!). Instead of Christmas presents, all I can do is let everyone use the facilities at my house as that is where all the money went.

I feel they leave me no choice but to take you up on your previous offer to have some League members assist with this situation. Mind you, I have never been late on a premium payment in over ten years and am stuck now laying out cash to fix the roof and bathroom (I am funny in that I like to have these things in my house). Please let me know how to proceed.
-Angry at Allstate
(formerly Frantic from Franny)


Dear Angry,
Please try to hang in there just a bit longer. In early October The League purchased a property on your street and since then we have had sentinels posted round-the-clock, closely monitoring all activity in your immediate vicinity. Regrettably, we inadvertently eliminated one of your neighbors; one of our operatives was convinced she was a spy for the insurance industry. Days later we discovered that she was a saleswoman for Mary Kay cosmetics and merely wanted us to host a gathering where she could peddle her wares. It's really a cultural misunderstanding; no one where we come from ever wears all pink. As it turns out, she is actually a lovely woman and is currently in wardrobe retraining at one of our deprogramming centers up north. She has consented to work for us as an image consultant in our transformation department. Anyway, we're sure she won't be missed all that much in your neighborhood, so no real harm done, right?

Back to the issue at hand: The League is prepared to take immediate action. You will need to provide us with the name and address of your insurance agent. We will pay a visit to this individual and he will write a check on the spot. We will then transport him to your home, where he will turn over the check to you and sign any and all necessary paperwork. We will then take him to The City of the Living Dead where he will serve as a training tool for our new recruits.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


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The Ghoul Next Door - Night of the Living Dead 's Little Zombie

Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Strictly Business

Dear Ghoulfriend,
Well, it has been months since the now infamous hurricanes passed through Orlando and still no sign of our insurance agents! The assessor came (and not in 24 hours as advertised) but the claim has not been closed (no check, Danno!). Instead of Christmas presents, all I can do is let everyone use the facilities at my house as that is where all the money went.

I feel they leave me no choice but to take you up on your previous offer to have some League members assist with this situation. Mind you, I have never been late on a premium payment in over ten years and am stuck now laying out cash to fix the roof and bathroom (I am funny in that I like to have these things in my house). Please let me know how to proceed.
-Angry at Allstate
(formerly Frantic from Franny)


Dear Angry,
Please try to hang in there just a bit longer. In early October The League purchased a property on your street and since then we have had sentinels posted round-the-clock, closely monitoring all activity in your immediate vicinity. Regrettably, we inadvertently eliminated one of your neighbors; one of our operatives was convinced she was a spy for the insurance industry. Days later we discovered that she was a saleswoman for Mary Kay cosmetics and merely wanted us to host a gathering where she could peddle her wares. It's really a cultural misunderstanding; no one where we come from ever wears all pink. As it turns out, she is actually a lovely woman and is currently in wardrobe retraining at one of our deprogramming centers up north. She has consented to work for us as an image consultant in our transformation department. Anyway, we're sure she won't be missed all that much in your neighborhood, so no real harm done, right?

Back to the issue at hand: The League is prepared to take immediate action. You will need to provide us with the name and address of your insurance agent. We will pay a visit to this individual and he will write a check on the spot. We will then transport him to your home, where he will turn over the check to you and sign any and all necessary paperwork. We will then take him to The City of the Living Dead where he will serve as a training tool for our new recruits.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


More Strictly Business

Return to the Table of Contents