Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
My coworker almost never shows up for work on Mondays or Fridays and it's getting on my nerves. I end up having to do all of her work in addition to mine, and she still gets the paycheck. This is not fair, but she's sleeping with the boss (and he's married) and I can't make the personnel office listen to me. What should I do?
-Overworked and under appreciated
Dear Overworked,
What's wrong with you? Do you have two heads or something? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) YOU should be sleeping with the boss! Quit the pity-party and get into his office right now. Surely you can do as well as the bimbo he's got now. With your brains and work ethic, you can get long weekends away from the office (with pay), and if you play it right, you'll soon be running the company, or running your own, graciously financed by him. Does the term "blackmail" mean anything to you? You will need to take surreptitious videos of your trysts with this miserable boss. These will enable you to extort money and promises in writing from him when you threaten him with exposure to his wife. Do not worry that he may harm you; you'll have us behind you every step of the way. If he kills you, you have my guarantee that we will find a cushy job for you at our headquarters and you can have every Monday and Friday off!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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