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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I have been a member of the League for almost a year. With the holidays approaching, I still feel like I'm obligated to get my still-living relatives gifts. I am seriously considering getting together some fellow League members, and converting my family - I mean, what better gift is there? I hesitate in doing this, however, because I am not sure how the League would view my actions - I don't want to adversely affect the local food supply. I know you will be able to steer me in the right direction on this matter.
Sincerely,
-DSZ
Dear DSZ,
Don't worry about the food supply. Our prime directive is to annihilate humans and someday raise our own food under controlled conditions. With humans breeding like rabbits, that goal is nowhere in sight, and won't be for decades to come, so go ahead and convert your family. Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a familial mutilation!
If your relatives are half as conscientious as you are, they will be welcome assets to our organization. Besides, we need more dues-paying members!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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