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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
Some of your associates recently ate my parents and now I'm stuck having to raise my 10 year old brother by myself. Thanks a lot. Does your "League of the Living Dead" provide any sort of monetary restitution for the survivors of an attack by your "people?"
-Li'l Orphan Ernie
Dear Ernie,
Unless your parents had the foresight to purchase "Ravening Horde" insurance, you're on your own and by now you realize that any plans you had for an education and career are permanently quashed. You will be saddled with your human burden for a very long time, and your little brother will greedily squander every cent you earn at the 7-11 on candy, video games and action figures, with nary a "thank you." In abandoning your own dreams and sheltering him from the harsh realities of the world, you will unwittingly foster in him a sense of entitlement and superiority. He will never finish school or get a job and he will demand more expensive toys and games. You are setting yourself up to be a slave to a soulless consumer for the rest of your natural life.
On the other hand, you could turn your little brother over to us right now and get on with your life; it's really the only humane option available to you. You would be rescuing him from an empty life of narcissism and his tender little body is just perfect for a new recipe I've been wanting to try. I promise you that nothing will go to waste and I can arrange to have a few small bones and teeth sent to you as a loving reminder of your dear brother.
Life is expensive. Death is cheap. Take your pick and get back to me.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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