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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Spiffy,
Why does my dog eat paper?
-Doggie Daddy
Dear Doggie Daddy,
Woof! Wah-wah-woo!
-Spiffy
TRANSLATION:
Dear Doggie Daddy,
I know a little about inappropriate culinary choices, but I've never had much of a taste for paper. I don't like the little cuts it leaves on my tongue and I generally prefer more costly items like shoes, fancy electronics and furniture.
Contrary to popular belief, paper is not a vegetable. It clogs canine plumbing and makes us irritable and snarly. Make a concerted effort to become more organized and keep your documents out of your dog's reach. Try leaving filet mignon, twice-baked potatoes and green bean casserole on hand for your dog to snack on while you're away from home. This should keep his inappropriate chewing down to a minimum.
-Spiffy
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