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Dear Spiffy,
I live with two dogs and two cats. One of the cats doesn't get along with the other animals and she hisses and growls at them every time they get near her, though to my knowledge they have never shown aggression toward her. She has lived with us for well over a year but she can't get used to them. What can I do to speed her assimilation into "the pack"?
Love and hisses,
-Your mother
Dear Mom,
Woof! Wah-wah-woo!
-Spiffy
TRANSLATION:
Dear Mom,
I have tried in vain to bring that cat into the fold. She simply despises us all and there's nothing to be done about it.
I have repeatedly stuck my nose into her face so she could get a good look at me and become intimately acquainted with my freckled countenance. I have barked and whined at her for hours on end to tell her that I am her friend. 
I have rammed my nose up her butt to let her know that I regard her as a respected and cherished pack-mate. I have eaten her food so she would know that it wasn't poison. I have nudged (not "hit") her with my paws and followed (not "chased") her through the house to encourage her to play with me. Quite honestly, I don't know what more I can do to make her feel loved and nurtured in our home. I have acted as the proverbial "welcome wagon" for over a year and still she regards us with utter contempt. My exhaustive research into the psyche and behavior of this animal has led me to conclude that she is a snob. Clearly you will need to find a more suitable home for her (but leave her food here). I'm sorry, but that's my professional assessment of the situation.
Love,
Spiffy
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