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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
Um, hello. Let me first just say that your creepy performance was by far the best part of Night of the Living Dead and to be honest I am a little nervous to be e-mailing you. It seems somewhat surreal. But anyway here's my question: What is the best way to make fake blood? I am making a short film and I am gonna need lots of fake blood so I want to have some cheap homemade blood. I have read many recipes but I want to know what works best (at least in your opinion). Thank you very much for your time.
-Blood Boy
Dear Blood Boy,
First of all, thank you for commending my "performance", but what you actually witnessed was my real death and subsequent entrance into the glorious "Realm of the Living Dead." Granted, I offed my mother in an admittedly spectacular fashion, worthy of any grand Hollywood production, but "Night of the Living Dead" was a gritty, locally-made documentary (at great personal risk to Mr. Romero, I might add), and it chronicled actual events as they transpired. I'm glad you enjoyed what you saw, though. It's heartening to know that people appreciate my "work."
In answer to your question, I simply cannot fathom why you'd want to use anything other than real, human blood for your film when one can obtain copious quantities directly from us, for only a small sacrifice. Real blood tastes great and it contains many of the vital nutrients that we require. If you're going for that Cinema Verité look, you'll want nothing but the finest AB+ you can get your hands on. That type looks fabulous on film because it is the richest around. It has a glittering, viscous, visual texture that never fails to turn human stomachs. The fake stuff, while it might taste sweet, contains empty calories and it bears an unsettling resemblance to black cherry Kool-Aid. It's your decision, though; either you want to win an Oscar for "special makeup fx" or you don't.
If you decide to go with the real thing (and I really think you should), stop by any of our League offices and we'll be happy to hook you up with a "donor" or two. In return, you'll give us a few extraneous body parts - nothing you'll miss, I'm sure. And be sure to send me an invitation to your premiere!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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