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Dear Ghoulfriend,
A guy I've recently been dating (his name is Timm) stood me up last night and I'm really angry about it because yesterday was my birthday. I've already decided not to call him, but should I even answer the phone if he calls me?
-Seething
Dear Seething,
This is but one of the myriad reasons I'm so happy I'm dead. The emotional havoc caused by dating is not an issue in my organization. That's not to say we don't have other interpersonal conflicts, but they usually involve ownership of a carcass, squatting rights in shopping malls, or other territorial matters. More often than not they are simple misunderstandings and are quickly resolved without acrimony or personal insults.
The psychiatric term for a person who exhibits rude dating behavior is "schmuck." My guess is that the man you have been dating has some type of personality disorder that prevents him from enjoying emotional or physical intimacy with another person. This condition is incurable and it often manifests itself in the gratuitous use of double consonants at the end of an otherwise ordinary first name. Alphabet abuse is symptomatic of a serious mental illness that is most appropriately treated by electroshock therapy or lobotomy. Consider yourself fortunate that your relationship did not evolve into something more serious.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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