Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I have long considered myself a rather open minded guy...willing to try anything once.
One thing I have never been able to wrap my mind around is the thought of Necrophilia.
Lately, though, I have started to reflect on my years and I find that I am lacking in some life (or death, in this matter) experiences. Would you be willing to take me by the hand and show me the joys of necrophilia? Perhaps you have a friend who isn't doing anything next weekend? I just feel I am missing out on something. Your help is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
-T.M.D.
Dear T. M. D.,
According to Webster (no, not the kid with the TV show), the definition of necrophilia is as follows:
Necrophilia
Noun
Obsession with and usually erotic interest in or stimulation by corpses.
Contrary to popular belief, romantic liaisons with the living dead do not qualify as necrophiliac experiences. They are simply inter-species dates, and they usually prove to be deadly for the ordinary, mortal human.
Intimate relations with a corpse constitutes non-consensual sex and The League of the Living Dead frowns upon that practice. Although corpses are not dues-paying League members, we feel a special kinship with them, and as their guardians we do what we can to protect them from abuses ranging from robbery to rape to bad hair styles.
I do not personally know any corpses, T. M. D., but if I did, my recommendations to them would not include casual sex with a total stranger. Please find yourself an inflatable date.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
More Losers
Return to the Table of Contents
