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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I work with a man who is boorish in the extreme. He is a fat, brown-nosing slob who delights in demeaning people in front of others. His behavior is unprofessional and unseemly. How do you suggest I handle him?
-I. M. Seething
Dear Seething,
"Fat," you say?
This sounds like a classic case of a man overcompensating for - well - you know what for. Men like this are very easy to handle; public humiliation and emasculation are definitely the way to go. If I were you, I'd go to work tomorrow wearing black leather and stiletto heels, and carrying a whip. (This technique will work regardless of your gender.) March right into his office and demand that he lick your boots. (This will be most effective if he shares an office with other men.) Remind him loudly and authoritatively that he licked your boots and liked it just the other night. This will forever undermine his authority; he'll be forced to seek employment elsewhere and your status in the company will be elevated beyond measure.
I am still intrigued by your description of him as "fat." We at The League have an affinity for fat men, regardless of their personal idiosyncrasies. Please provide us with his home address and we'll be delighted to pick him up for "dinner."
Love,
Ghoulfriend
More Hell Is Other People
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