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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
My kitchen floor tiles are loose and I want to know if you have any handy hints for keeping them in place. My local home improvement store told me to use tile adhesive, but I've tried it and it doesn't work. Any ideas?
-Mad Mike
Dear Mad Mike,
This has happened to me on countless occasions and I finally invented my own adhesive that works every time.
Grind a human femur into a fine powder and add a few drops of dog snarf. If your dogs are anything like mine, they lose that stuff by the bucket and it has the perfect viscosity for this application (I find it dried on my bay windows and it is easily reconstituted with a drop or two of distilled water). Mix thoroughly, trowel it onto the back of the tile and set it in place. This should set the tile quickly and permanently. If you have any of the mixture left over, it's also wonderful on crackers!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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