Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I am a zombie with a big hole in my stomach. Every time I eat something, it all falls out. What shall I do?
-Malaka Z.
Dear Malaka Z.,
You must get yourself to a League-run clinic, or to the nearest Home Depot right away. Either facility will have what you require. Our clinics specialize in Miscible Polymer facelifts, tummy tucks and prosthetics. The treatments are costly for the general (dead) public, but they are covered in full for dues-paying League members. If by chance you are not yet a member of The League of the Living Dead, a trip to the hardware store will be almost as effective. Pick up a staple gun and a large tube of paintable latex caulk. Five minutes for application and a few hours for drying should be ample time to get you back into the game. If you're particular about your appearance, feel free to paint over the caulk to match your skin tone. Since the holidays are upon us, I recommend adding some glitter and ribbons to the mix!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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