Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Cryptozoology

Dear Ghoulfriend,
The Boogeyman is not stalking me.
Would you mind having a little talk with him?
He would listen to you, I know he would.
Thank you,
-Judy


Dear Judy,
I'm so sorry, dear, but The Boogeyman is currently "on tour" in Europe, and I can't seem to raise him on his cell phone. I've left an urgent message with his secretary and I'm sure he'll call me back as soon as he's able. I managed to find out that his schedule is booked solid until July, so you'll have to wait until then to see him. There are a couple of things you should know about him before he pays you a visit (isn't it great that he still makes house calls?). You mustn't view his absence as a personal affront

He's been simply miserable since the release of that awful film bearing his name, and for months afterward he denied his Boogeymanhood. I hope I'm not violating any of the HIPAA statutes, but it's important that you know this so that you can put things into perspective. I might as well tell you the truth -- it's just a matter of time before the news hits the tabloids, anyway. I happen to know that he's not really on tour. He is "resting" in a private sanitarium in Switzerland. He has been undergoing shock therapy as well as some chemical "inducement" to return to reality. The Boogeyman also has a serious case of A.D.H.D. He was diagnosed several months ago after taking a written aptitude test for a promotion to the 9th Circle of Hell. I guess I don't need to tell you that you really need to be on top of your game to work there. He couldn't focus on the test for more than a few seconds; he squirmed in his seat and threw spitballs at the proctors, and his time ran out. Needless to say, he did not get the promotion. They gave the job to some minor demon known for sucking up to Big L. It was such a blow to TB's ego that he spiraled into a black abyss of depression and self-loathing. It was the end of The Boogeyman as we knew and loved him. This has just been a really rough year for him, poor dear, so if and when he does finally show up in your closet or under your bed, try to act afraid. It will boost his morale and he really needs that now. I recommend screaming and crying, and maybe a little begging, stammering and stuttering. Just don't overdo it or he'll catch on. I'll tell you -- these days he's just not frightening on his own. In some respects, though, his brooding vulnerability makes him all the more attractive. Tell me if you think so, too.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


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The Ghoul Next Door - Night of the Living Dead 's Little Zombie

Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Cryptozoology

Dear Ghoulfriend,
The Boogeyman is not stalking me.
Would you mind having a little talk with him?
He would listen to you, I know he would.
Thank you,
-Judy


Dear Judy,
I'm so sorry, dear, but The Boogeyman is currently "on tour" in Europe, and I can't seem to raise him on his cell phone. I've left an urgent message with his secretary and I'm sure he'll call me back as soon as he's able. I managed to find out that his schedule is booked solid until July, so you'll have to wait until then to see him. There are a couple of things you should know about him before he pays you a visit (isn't it great that he still makes house calls?). You mustn't view his absence as a personal affront

He's been simply miserable since the release of that awful film bearing his name, and for months afterward he denied his Boogeymanhood. I hope I'm not violating any of the HIPAA statutes, but it's important that you know this so that you can put things into perspective. I might as well tell you the truth -- it's just a matter of time before the news hits the tabloids, anyway. I happen to know that he's not really on tour. He is "resting" in a private sanitarium in Switzerland. He has been undergoing shock therapy as well as some chemical "inducement" to return to reality. The Boogeyman also has a serious case of A.D.H.D. He was diagnosed several months ago after taking a written aptitude test for a promotion to the 9th Circle of Hell. I guess I don't need to tell you that you really need to be on top of your game to work there. He couldn't focus on the test for more than a few seconds; he squirmed in his seat and threw spitballs at the proctors, and his time ran out. Needless to say, he did not get the promotion. They gave the job to some minor demon known for sucking up to Big L. It was such a blow to TB's ego that he spiraled into a black abyss of depression and self-loathing. It was the end of The Boogeyman as we knew and loved him. This has just been a really rough year for him, poor dear, so if and when he does finally show up in your closet or under your bed, try to act afraid. It will boost his morale and he really needs that now. I recommend screaming and crying, and maybe a little begging, stammering and stuttering. Just don't overdo it or he'll catch on. I'll tell you -- these days he's just not frightening on his own. In some respects, though, his brooding vulnerability makes him all the more attractive. Tell me if you think so, too.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


More Cryptozoology

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