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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
We are being haunted by my daughter's teacher. It seems that when ever we go out as a family she appears. My husband and I believe that she wants to possess our child. We would have no real problem with this except that we really love her and wish to keep her for our own. Besides, her dogs and cats would miss her very much. While this ghostly apparition is most kind, the fact that
she shows up as she does, and then vanishes from our lives gives us reason to believe that there could possibly be a plan in the cauldron. Any help offered would be followed to the letter as we miss her ghoulish visits, but still wish to keep our child's soul intact.
Lotsa Luv,
-Name Withheld
Dear N. W.,
From my limited experience with them as a child, I vaguely remember that teachers can be creepy, smelly and sometimes malevolent beings. They do not have what we would consider normal lives. They don't have friends, they don't marry and they never have children of their own. It is my belief that all teachers are phantoms that only materialize between the hours of 8 am and 4 pm, Monday through Friday, September through June, and only inside school buildings and locales specifically related to school functions. It is most unusual that this creature is haunting your daughter outside of a school building or school-related event. I suspect she may be only a part-time teacher.
You will need to contact this creature via a séance or a Ouija board and ask her what she wants. When she appears, offer her a glass of Bailey's Irish Cream or, perhaps, Frangelico. She may also settle for a nice Australian shiraz or a pint of hearty, dark ale. Be sure to ask her simple questions; although she is most likely a spirit lost in an eternal quest for a decent job, she is still posing as a teacher, and therefore incapable of understanding complex concepts. Remember -- those who can, HAUNT, and those who can't, TEACH.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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