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The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I detest one of my coworkers and would like you to make him "disappear." He's rather portly and I'm sure he'd make an ample and tasty entree for one of your dinner parties. Shall I give you his address?
-Jenna
Dear Jenna,
Every spring, The League renews its commitment to the eradication of humanity while simultaneously serving environmental and wild animal causes. Within the next few weeks, roughly three hundred thousand "problem" humans will be captured, bound, gagged, stuffed into baby harp seal costumes (sewn from faux fur, of course) and transported to the ice floes of Canada where they will await the agonizing blows of the hunters' clubs. Real baby harp seals and their families will be moved to a secure location until the annual carnage has ended. By all means, send me your coworker's address so that our tailors can create a custom-fitted seal costume for him. Thanks for writing!
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