Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Dear Ghoulfriend,
I was invited to a fancy transformation ceremony last fall, and spent oodles of money on the gift (one of those uber-trendy, stainless steel corpse shredders), my transportation to and from the event and an overpriced hotel room for the weekend. To this day I have not received a "thank-you" note from the newly animated zombie. I'm relatively new to this whole living-dead thing, but shouldn't good manners be eternal?
-Aghast
Dear Aghast,
You are absolutely correct: We may expire, but proper etiquette never dies. The new corpse (and his or her sponsor) are boors. It is precisely this type of behavior, and not our penchant for murderous rampages, that gives us a bad name.
The League of the Living Dead orientation packet clearly specifies that "thank you" notes should be sent within two weeks following the receipt of a gift. A phone call may suffice if the gift recipient is unable to purchase postage stamps. (Many of our kind are fearful of post offices, and with good reason; postal workers tend to be armed and dangerous.)
I cannot lawfully recommend any lethal action against this ignorant newbie, but there may come a day when this creature asks you for a ride to the mall, or requests your help in escaping an angry mob. At that time, you may thank him for thinking of you, and politely decline.
Love,
Ghoulfriend
Return to the Table of Contents
