Ghoulnextdoor.com
The Ghoulish Guidance Archive
Hey Ghoulfriend,
My partners and I are thinking of emblazoning your well-known likeness upon a useless object strictly for the purposes of profit (which we have no intention of sharing with anyone else, including you, sorry). What sort of trivial object do you recommend? People used to buy Pet Rocks, after all. Thanks for your advice (and your face)!
-Identity Withheld
Dear Capitalist Pig Loser,
To my knowledge, there are very few objects my 9 year old face has not yet graced. The worst so far is an air freshener that isn't even "zombie scented!" Though I would be loathe to see my image on the following items, they have thus far (blessedly) been overlooked. With cretins like you out there, however, I'm sure they will be available just in time for the next holiday shopping season:
Toilet seats
Sympathy cards
Disposable diapers
Syringes
Litter boxes
Condoms
Band-aids
Toe tags
Spittoons
Colostomy bags -- I could go on, but you get the idea.
Consider yourself warned. If any of these items find their way into the marketplace, your conniving visage will appear on a milk carton!
Love,
Ghoulfriend
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