Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Living Dead Entities And The People Who Love Them

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I have a crush on a guy who doesn't know I'm alive. I mean, literally. We've been dating for a while now, but he's a zombie and he thinks I'm one, too. How can I break the news that I'm alive without risking my own death? And what's wrong with him that he doesn't know a live person from a dead one?
-Emily


Dear Emily,
It's possible that your boyfriend is a newbie to the land of the dead, and he hasn't yet developed a preternatural sense of smell. It sometimes takes months for our senses to readjust after death, and only in rare instances do they fail to return at all. I wouldn't worry about telling him that you're human; he'll probably want to continue dating you anyway. Interspecies relationships can work if both parties are willing to compromise.

You will have to be amenable to losing a few fingers, toes or random chunks of flesh to hold his interest. This can be achieved surgically, with minimal risk of death or infection from him. In return for your sacrifice, he must be willing to promise not to infect you without your consent. Zombies are lovable creatures and chances are you'll decide to join him in living death at some point. If and when you make that decision, he'll simply tear your throat out and you'll live happily ever after.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


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The Ghoul Next Door - Night of the Living Dead 's Little Zombie

Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Living Dead Entities And The People Who Love Them

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I have a crush on a guy who doesn't know I'm alive. I mean, literally. We've been dating for a while now, but he's a zombie and he thinks I'm one, too. How can I break the news that I'm alive without risking my own death? And what's wrong with him that he doesn't know a live person from a dead one?
-Emily


Dear Emily,
It's possible that your boyfriend is a newbie to the land of the dead, and he hasn't yet developed a preternatural sense of smell. It sometimes takes months for our senses to readjust after death, and only in rare instances do they fail to return at all. I wouldn't worry about telling him that you're human; he'll probably want to continue dating you anyway. Interspecies relationships can work if both parties are willing to compromise.

You will have to be amenable to losing a few fingers, toes or random chunks of flesh to hold his interest. This can be achieved surgically, with minimal risk of death or infection from him. In return for your sacrifice, he must be willing to promise not to infect you without your consent. Zombies are lovable creatures and chances are you'll decide to join him in living death at some point. If and when you make that decision, he'll simply tear your throat out and you'll live happily ever after.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


Return to the Table of Contents