Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Strictly Business

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I made a dinner bet with a guy over a stock market move, and I am losing badly. This is unacceptable, and I have been trying to get the market to crash ever since. As I am half vampire, I tried to recruit a horde of vampires to do my dirty work, but it turned out my adversary is a full vampire and the deal fell through. I then tried coercing a group of werewolves by accumulating enough silver to wipe out their whole species, but they proved too difficult to coordinate.¾ Werewolves are scatterbrained when riled up for some reason. I need your advice on how to get a running-of-the-ghouls on Wall Street to cause enough mayhem, chaos, and discord to crash the market. I can promise you that the money on Wall Street is very tasty, as it is soaked with the blood of the American middle class (and it will be extra bloody if I succeed). Help me paint the tape° um° I mean the town, red.
-Cyrano de Bear-attack


Dear Cyrano,
Vampires don't have to pay for dinner, silly. As a half-vampire (what is the other half?), you would know that vampires cannot eat solid food. As for the werewolves, I'm not surprised that you failed to coordinate their efforts. They are far too human to live in cooperative packs the way full-blooded wolves do. Regarding your wager, and your request that I appeal to my brothers and sisters to aid you in a stock market crash, the answer is a resounding "NO." As per our union contract, we are not permitted to manipulate the monetary resources of any nation, government or corporation. It is in our best interest that the humans of the world are well-fed at all times. Imagine the mayhem that would ensue if our prey were to lose all their money and possessions. They would soon begin starving to death and where would that leave us? We, too, would starve and THAT is unacceptable. You made your bet, now lie in it.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


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The Ghoul Next Door - Night of the Living Dead 's Little Zombie

Ghoulnextdoor.com

The Ghoulish Guidance Archive

Strictly Business

Dear Ghoulfriend,
I made a dinner bet with a guy over a stock market move, and I am losing badly. This is unacceptable, and I have been trying to get the market to crash ever since. As I am half vampire, I tried to recruit a horde of vampires to do my dirty work, but it turned out my adversary is a full vampire and the deal fell through. I then tried coercing a group of werewolves by accumulating enough silver to wipe out their whole species, but they proved too difficult to coordinate.¾ Werewolves are scatterbrained when riled up for some reason. I need your advice on how to get a running-of-the-ghouls on Wall Street to cause enough mayhem, chaos, and discord to crash the market. I can promise you that the money on Wall Street is very tasty, as it is soaked with the blood of the American middle class (and it will be extra bloody if I succeed). Help me paint the tape° um° I mean the town, red.
-Cyrano de Bear-attack


Dear Cyrano,
Vampires don't have to pay for dinner, silly. As a half-vampire (what is the other half?), you would know that vampires cannot eat solid food. As for the werewolves, I'm not surprised that you failed to coordinate their efforts. They are far too human to live in cooperative packs the way full-blooded wolves do. Regarding your wager, and your request that I appeal to my brothers and sisters to aid you in a stock market crash, the answer is a resounding "NO." As per our union contract, we are not permitted to manipulate the monetary resources of any nation, government or corporation. It is in our best interest that the humans of the world are well-fed at all times. Imagine the mayhem that would ensue if our prey were to lose all their money and possessions. They would soon begin starving to death and where would that leave us? We, too, would starve and THAT is unacceptable. You made your bet, now lie in it.
Love,
Ghoulfriend


More Strictly Business

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